Fade in to the office of NLW Commissioner Extraordinaire (in his eyes, anyway) Harvey Danger. Harvey is trying to make an organized mess of the jumble of papers scattered all over his desk when a knock is heard off-camera.
Harvey Danger: Where did I put that contract... I can't be losing shit with Jack gone already...
There is a few seconds pause, as if to be polite before the knocking resumes once again, this time a bit louder and more insistent.
Harvey Danger: Okay okay, come in! ...I gotta find this paperwork....
The door opens, and a moment later The Phoenix enters the camera shot, a bemused look on his face as he surveys the chaos before him.
Phoenix: Did you try looking at the bottom of the pile, mayhaps?
Harvey Danger: Probably... Wow you look like shit... Err, I mean, how's it going?
Phoenix: Obviously, I've been better. Would I be correct to assume that Jack is not going to be here tonight, as I have heard?
Harvey Danger: Yep, I'm calling the shots now! Err, while Jack is gone anyways.
Phoenix: Fair enough...perhaps you could be of assistance to me then. I know I've been put through hell, and certainly look like it...but the fans deserve the NLW Championship match that was advertised, no matter what condition the challenger--myself--is in. Thus, I need to know...is the match still on for this evening?
Harvey Danger: Wait, what? I can't put you out there like that, Jack will have a fit!
Phoenix: From what I have seen of Jack, he would understand my point of view. However, I understand your concerns. I have a proposal that might benefit both your sensibilities and my need to compete tonight...if you are of a mind to hear it, of course.
Harvey Danger: Okay, sure, but I don't see how you'd convince me to do this...
Phoenix: A waiver of liability.
Harvey Danger: A waiver? So that we don't have to foot the bill?
Phoenix: In layman's terms...yes. I would be willing to waive any and all compensation rights for medical expenses that should arise due to tonight's match, in return for being allowed to wrestle said match. This way, you keep yourself protected, and I get the match I have fought to have. In fact...I happen to have one such document with me, already signed and notarized. All it requires is your review and approval, and our business shall be concluded.
With this, the big man pulls out a folded document and places it atop one of the messy piles on the desk.
Harvey Danger: ...Okay, I'll take care of it! Get suited up!
Phoenix: So shall it be...
Phoenix exits the shot as the camera remains on Harvey.
Harvey Danger: Now where's that paper...
'Game On' by Discipline begins to play as the words 'NLW' flash across the screen, followed by images of the last Uprising, where Draco and Josh Allen tagged up to face Jack Sullivan and El Linchador, with Draco snapping at the end, leaving the other three competitors in the match laid out with chair shots. Black Phoenix also took down Drake Hazard in a first blood match and The Ice Man beat the former NLW champion Venom in a non-title match. The night ended with NLW rookie phenom Aphrodisia Jordan beating out Kevin Heat to capture his NLW Legacy championship! The scene cuts to ringside, with Jake Steel and Caelan Tyler.
Caelan Tyler: Hello and welcome to Uprising! After the crazy past two weeks I’m not sure where to start! We have John Allen facing Kevin Heat, two debuting rookies facing the monster Drake Hazard, Kylo and Aphrodisia Jordan are facing off in a Big Easy Brawl, and we don’t yet know who will be replacing the now injured Xavier Lux in the NLW Championship match against The Phoenix!
Jake Steel: I can tell you who won’t be facing him, The Ice Man isn’t here tonight as he had some personal issues to attend to, and I received word that The Black Phoenix was committed to a mental institution! I knew she was a crazy bitch, but that is ridiculous!
Caelan Tyler: Really? That’s a damn shame as either would be worthy choices for Harvey to pick for this. It’s also a shame that Venom had to surrender the title without being beaten.
Jake Steel: Shit happens, he needs to stay gone though.
Caelan Tyler: Whatever Jake…
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
A massive burst of pyrotechnics ignites at the top of the ramp out of nowhere, sending half of the fans seated near the entrance jumping out of their skins. From the back, with very little fanfare, steps Andy Murray to a rapturous reception from the capacity crowd, an abridged version of Killswitch Engage’s “Daylight Dies” bursting from the speakers.
Caelan Tyler: Andy Murray in the hizzay!
Jake Steel: … oh great…
Caelan Tyler: For weeks and weeks we’ve seen this man and Josh Allen chasing each other around the globe! Andy was due to travel to Uprising a fortnight ago, but missed his plane…
Jake Steel: He missed his flight? That’s very fucking professional!
Caelan Tyler: Professionalism issues aside, this is the first time Andy Murray and Josh Allen have been under the same roof in almost FIVE years! This could get ugly! We’ve seen a career-long friendship crumble before our very eyes over these past few months in spectacular fashion!
Zach King: Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome “The Scottish King of Cool”… ANDY MURRAY!
The suit-clad Scotsman eventually reaches the bottom of the ramp and slips under the bottom rope and into the ring. As he leaps to his feet he can’t help but grin and wave to the fans, before taking Zach King’s microphone from him.
Andy Murray: What up, Nawlins?!
Cue the easiest of cheap pops from the crowd.
Jake Steel: I see this grade-A chump hasn’t lost any of his trademark cheesiness over the years…
Caelan Tyler: By “cheesiness” you mean “INCREDIBLE AURA OF COOLNESS,” right!?!
Jake Steel: No, I mean cheesiness! You fucking idiot.
Andy Murray: I’ll keep this one short and sweat, Louisiana. It shouldn’t be too hard for you guys to figure out why I’m out here tonight…
The crowd cheer again, knowing fine that Andy is talking about Josh Allen.
“AL-LEN! AL-LEN! AL-LEN!”
“MUR-RAY! MUR-RAY! MUR-RAY!”
Caelan Tyler: List to the fans, Jake! There’s no animosity AT ALL towards either competitor! I guess it’s hardly surprising given that Andy and Josh have practically been the best of buddies throughout their respective careers…
Andy Murray: Yeah, that Josh Allen dude… now, it wouldn’t be wise for me to come out here and flap my gums about how big a dick this dude is, because he really isn’t. Here’s a dude who I’ve been friends with ever since I was cutting my teeth as a greenhorn in this business. A guy who I’ve wrestled alongside on countless occasions… a guy who I ran one of the country’s top promotions with waaaay back in 2002…
“OH-SEE-DUB! OH-SEE-DUB! OH-SEE-DUB!”
A smile creeps across the Scotsman’s face as a small “OCW” chant breaks out among the more hardcore fans in attendance.
Andy Murray: … so why in the name of Christ does he send a squad of goons to attack me in my own hometown?! It’s completely unfathomable… Josh, I know you’re in the back tonight, so-
BOOM!
“Remedy” by Seether, right on cue.
Caelan Tyler: Uh-oh…
To a pop that easily equals the appreciation shown for Murray’s reaction, Josh Allen steps out. Unlike Murray, however, he has a cold, expressionless look across his face. He makes no attempt to walk down towards the ring and instead stays placed firmly at the top of the ramp.
Caelan Tyler: Jake, you really can cut the atmosphere in here tonight with a knife!
Jake Steel: Uh-oh, shit metaphor #1 for the evening from Cael…
Caelan Tyler: This is the first time that these two men have been under the same roof in YEARS Jake! Surely even you can appreciate that!
Josh Allen: Ya know Murph, its funny… you come down here to point the finger at me, but the least time I checked YOU tried to blow me up inside my god damn limousine! I mean, what the hell is up with that!?!
In the ring Andy shakes his head and frowns.
Andy Murray: I’m sorry buddy, but if you think that was me, you’re deluding yourself! Now I don’t know who the hell bumped off your little “escort” that day, but it certainly wasn’t me.
Josh Allen: I know…
Josh cracks a smile.
Josh Allen: I guess there’s no need for the lies any longer; I know that you’re not dumb enough to fall for ‘em, Murray…
Caelan Tyler: What the hell is this guy talking about!?!
Andy Murray: I’m sorry, you’ve lost me…
The smile on Allen’s face grows into a ring.
Josh Allen: Alright, it’s time for me to come clean. I know you didn’t blow up the car, Andy, because I did it!
Jake Steel: WHAT!?!
Caelan Tyler: EH!?!
Like just about everyone else in attendance, Murray is absolutely gobsmacked by the last three words that have just come out of Josh Allen’s mouth. His jaw drops. He makes an attempt speak, but the words refuse to leave his throat.
Josh Allen: What, you didn’t hear that, you big Scottish oaf!? I said I DID IT! I blew up the limo! Oh, and sending the guys to take you out? That was me too…
The first boos begin to fall upon the ears of Josh Allen, who can only grin in response.
Josh Allen: I orchestrated this whole shebang, Murray! The explosion, the thugs, the international chase, my return to the ring… and you know what? I’ve loved every second of it! I’ve had you strung along for a puppet and you’ve not even realized! C’mon Murray, I thought you were more intelligent than that!
The intensity of the jeering grows; this, clearly, was not what they’d expected from the former OCW Owner.
Caelan Tyler: I can’t believe this! These guys are supposed to be best friends… what the hell is going on!?!
Jake Steel: I guess Allen finally saw the light! C’mon, hanging around with Andy Murray!?! That’s SOOOOOO 2002!
Josh Allen: And why did I do it? I could give you the whole long, drawn-out spiel here… but I’ll sum it up in one word for ya; M-O-N-E-Y!
Another “MUR-RAY!” chant breaks out amidst the booing, clearly the fans are eager to see the Scotsman respond. Andy, however, seems pretty content with the man who he may no longer refer to as a “friend” throwing his verbal weight around.
Josh Allen: That’s right Andy; it’s all about the dollars! I’ve been sitting on the shelf for quite a long time now, you know, the retirement fund wasn’t going to last forever… so I pulled a few strings and set this whole thing into motion! I mean, you have NO IDEA how much the NLW head honchos are paying me for this shit! So there you have it, Murray… there’s the explanation that you so dearly requested! And seeing as you don’t seem to have anything more to say on the matter, I think I’ll be off…
Josh makes the attempt to turn and walk away, however, before he can do so…
Andy Murray: WHOA WHOA WHOA! Slow down there, Bessie!
As Andy Murray flickers to life the fans cheer. Allen immediately turns back around.
Andy Murray: … money is why you did this? Give me a fucking break Josh!
Josh Allen: Andy, seriously, why else would I want to be seen on the same television show as your ugly mug!?! It’s all about the benjamins, baby! Oh, and if you think we’re still “friends,” after all these years out of contact, I’m afraid you’re fooling yourself…
“BOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Again Josh makes an attempt to turn and leave, with the same results…
Andy Murray: Where the fuck are you going, you prick!? You think you can just turn and walk away after this?! FUCK THAT! If you think this is how EIGHT YEARS of friendship come to an end then you’ve got another thing coming! Because the thing is, Josh, you’re not the only one who’s been a bit dishonest here…
Jake Steel: … another swerve?!
Andy Murray: Ladies and Gentlemen, you’ve not doubt heard that I’ve been operating in NLW sans contract? Guess what, that’s bullshit… see, I was sitting back, taking it easy, enjoying my retirement earlier in the year when Jacky Boy phones me up, tells me about this place reopening. So he and talked, and eventually worked something out. While I am not a 100% active member of the roster here, I have a clause in my contract that states that I MUST wrestle at least one match within four months of signing the thing… against an opponent of my choosing, at a date of my choosing. And seeing as that date is fast approaching, I guess it’s time for me to cash in my one shot deal…
The grin on Allen’s face slowly fades as the anticipation builds; the fans know what’s coming…
Andy Murray: … so how about it, old “friend”? Andy Murray and Josh Allen, one on one, at Uprising 8… four weeks from now… INSIDE THE EQUALIZER!
“RAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
Caelan Tyler: WOW!
The roof of the arena damn near collapses under the weight of Murray’s announcement. It’s Allen’s turn to be gobsmacked, and the Oklahoma native can do nothing more then storm back to the backstage area in frustration.
Andy Murray: I guess that’s a “yes” then!
Caelan Tyler: This is HUGE Jake! Andy Murray and Josh Allen, one on one for the very first time, right here in NLW!
Jake Steel: You know, I’m not too keen on either Cael, but that is indeed a pay per view main event quality match!
Caelan Tyler: Two of the game’s biggest names will be doing their thing right here in just under a month! Josh Allen thought he had Andy Murray’s number here tonight, but what a curveball from the Scotsman!
A group of NLW backstage employees sit playing cards around a catering table with their backs to the camera. The doors behind them bursts open, and Harvey Danger pushes through, almost dropping a large cardboard box. The employees don't even look up. The box is old and torn with a thick layer of dust. As the box rubs against Harvey's chest, it leaves clumps of dirt and stains his shirt. Harvey slows to a walk looking down at his shirt and begins to wipe the dust and grime away. Walking head down, he walks right into the next door and drops the box completely. Kneeling down to pick up the box, an NLW agent approaches Harvey carrying what appears to be a stick of dynamite.
Agent: Since I guess your in charge tonight, like, what do you want us to do with these? We got like, hundreds of these things. By the way, you owe the fireworks and pyro company money... 'Boss.' Never mind, I'll figure it out with the pyro guys.
Harvey Danger: No, wait. I am in charge! I'm the man tonight!
Softly in the background you can hear the faint tune of a cell phone ringer. Harvey attempts to juggle the cardboard box and dig into his pocket for his phone. The box begins to fall and he drops both the phone and the box in a lame attempt to catch them both. Harvey stands up with the cell phone with a smile, then checks out the caller ID. His shoulders slump and he turns his back to the camera.
Harvey Danger: Moooooooom! I told you not to call me during working hours anymore! I gotta go. Yes, it's my big day in charge. No! I have to go! Yessss I know your proud of me. BYE!
He stands upright, as if realizing we could still hear his conversation. He turns around and sheepishly grins at the agent. The agent, a young 20-something girl, shifts the microphone on her head and stands there wide-eyed.
Agent: Was that your Mom?
Harvey Danger: What? That? Oh no, that wasn't. Ha ha ha ha ha.. No way. I mean...
Agent: How old is that phone? It looks like the Zack Morris 'Saved by the Bell' phone from the 90's. And that ring tone... what was that? The Bee Gees?
Harvey Danger: Uhh.... I have to go. Now. He's here! He's really here!
Harvey quickly walks off with his cardboard box and pushes through some doors. The cameras cut to the other side of the door and Harvey exhales deeply blowing the hair from in front of his eyes. His face is flushed and red with embarrassment. He begins muttering about his mother when he stops dead in his tracks and drops the box at his feet.
Harvey Danger: He's here. Ooooh boy this is it! Just open the door Harvey. Just open the door. He's your friend and buddy. So why can't I open the door? He's a good man, a great man! He likes you! He respects you! Harvey, you’re being foolish. Heh, you’re talking to yourself even. Why can't I go into his room. He's probably sitting in there waiting for you. He probably is wondering why you haven't come in yet. That's it. I'll do it.
Harvey presses on the door then jumps back. He starts to pace quickly back in forth in front of the door until he trips over the box and falls to the floor. Picking himself up, he starts talking again.
Harvey Danger: What if he's forgotten. What if he doesn't remember me... us? Oh to hell with it. I'm in charge tonight! After all, I spent all that time getting this stuff out of Mom's basement!
Harvey stands up straight, adjusts the box against his chest and pushes through the door. As the door closes, the faint sounds of the Bee Gees can be heard again as the camera switches to ringside.
Caelan Tyler: …
Jake Steel: …So wait, he’s in charge tonight? Oh God this place is gonna burn to the ground!
Caelan Tyler: I hope not…
Drake Hazard versus Archangel versus Sam Lampshade
'I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!'
A burst of pyrotechnics ignites at the top of the ramp as Bleeding Through's 'For Love and Failing' explodes out of the PA system. Drake Hazard steps out from the backstage area through the fireworks, psyched up and ready for action.
I'm not afraid of the worst,
I'm the sheep who lost his way,
Still looking for it every day.
I'll face neglect, every curse you wish to throw at me,
Without trying I would never fail,
And I fell in love with failure.
Zack King: The following triple threat match is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring first, from Detroit, Michigan… Weighing in at 325 pounds… DRAKE HAZARD!
Drake beats his chest and lets out an almighty roar as the pyro fizzles away behind him, before beginning his descent to the ring. He glances around the legions of jeering fans with a spiteful grin etched across his face as he strides down the ramp.
I can't see through your eyes,
What do you see, a disgrace, another lie?
Today I'll start being perfect,
Cut you open to expose your insides,
Cut you open, expose your insides.
Eventually the giant Hazard reaches the ring and slips in under the bottom rope. He immediately heads for the opposite side of the ring and throws an arm in the air, reveling in the negative reaction of the NLW fans.
I know, I'm still counting scars from every time you cried,
'Cause I remember the first time you, died,
Tonight I want to bleed alone with you,
Here's to craving, everything you do.
The music finally begins to die down as Drake turns his attentions away from the audience and towards the task at hand. He adjusts his stance, ready to take on whatever the forthcoming contest would throw at him.
Caelan Tyler: Lots of negative response to Drake Hazard here, who’s still gotta be pissed off from what happened last Uprising, where Black Phoenix managed to steal a win in a first blood match against him by knocking him into a pile of shattered glass.
Jake Steel: Yeah, that crazy bitch pulled it off, and I wouldn’t want to be these guys who are stuck in the ring with him now.
Caelan Tyler: Archangel and Sam Lampshade are both making their NLW debut here, and while from my understanding Archangel has been around the indy scene for a while, but I don’t know much of anything about Sam.
Jake Steel: Other than his stupid name you mean?
Smoke fills the entryway as the beginning riffs of 'Cochise' by Audioslave starts. Sam Lampshade steps out into the midst of the fog, his silhouette showing a hat on his head. He looks to the left, to the right and then a gust of wind blows the hat off his head. He steps out from the fog, bends down, picks up his hat. Then the music kicks in and he puts the hat back on his head. He adjust it slightly before walking down the ramp and staring straight ahead at the ring.
Zack King: Introducing next, from San Francisco, California… Weighing in at 196 pounds… SAM LAMPSHADE!
Caelan Tyler: Speaking of Sam, here he comes, and that was a less than stellar entrance by the rookie.
Jake Steel: How the hell did he lose his hat? There’s no wind in here!
Caelan Tyler: You’ve got me there Jake.
'Duality' by Slipknot begins to play, the lights dropping low until the main part of the song hits. Spotlights shine down onto the center of the stage, where Archangel stands, head high, staring into the lights. He slowly looks away, before marching down to the ring and sliding under the ropes.
Zack King: And the last competitor, from Detroit, Michigan… Weighing in at 310 pounds… ARCHANGEL!
Caelan Tyler: Well this will definitely be an interesting match up, with two of the competitors being larger than life behemoths from the Motor City, and the 3rd being pretty average sized.
Jake Steel: Wow that could totally be taken out of context.
Caelan Tyler: Shut up Jake, kids watch this show!
Jake Steel: And? This is a Drake Hazard match, parental advisories and such!
The bell rings, and immediately Drake turns his attention to the smaller Lampshade, dropping him quickly with a vicious lariat before turning his attention to Archangel, and the two start to exchange rights with Drake gaining the upper hand, whipping Archangel into the ropes and catching him on the rebound, nailing him with Head Trauma! Drake then goes over to Sam, who’s now gotten to his feet and hoists him up onto his shoulders before bringing him down with A Cold Breath of What it Takes, Drake’s reverse death valley driver! Drake quickly hooks the leg!
1…
2…
No! Archangel breaks up the pin!
Caelan Tyler: Drake not playing any games here, quickly trying to end this one.
Jake Steel: Damn rookie breaking it up, I wanted to see this ended quickly so we can get to the brawl!
Caelan Tyler: Why are you so excited about that brawl?
Jake Steel: I want to see Kylo get his clocked clean, duh!
Archangel drives a boot into the side of Drake’s head, causing Drake to get to his feet as Archangel lunges forward, driving his shoulder into Drake’s midsection, forcing him into the corner. Archangel then drives another shoulder into Drake’s gut before climbing up the second turnbuckle and beginning to pummel Drake with rights.
1!
2!
3!
4!
Drake shoves Archangel, pushing him off the turnbuckles before moving forward, only to catch an elbow to the side of the head from Archangel.
Caelan Tyler: Archangel has taken over the momentum here from Drake, he’ll need to keep the pressure on if he wants to take down Hazard.
Jake Steel: Come on rook, save us all the trouble and just roll over already so we can get this farce of a match done with. I wanna see some hardcore brawling! I want to see steel chairs and blood! I want to see not this match!
Caelan Tyler: Somehow I don’t think that’s going to convince him to just quit and let Drake pin him Jake.
Jake Steel: Damn, why does no one listen to reason around here?
Caelan Tyler: I’ll let you know when you say something reasonable for them to listen to Jake.
Jake Steel: Bah!
Archangel whips Drake into the ropes and follows him with a massive clothesline, sending the 7 footer out to ringside. Drake shakes his head before spewing a few profanities and walking towards the entrance ramp. Archangel yells and gets ready to give chase before he’s caught from behind by Lampshade with a massive dropkick that sends Archangel tumbling to ringside. Lampshade follows it up with a plancha, knocking both men to the ringside floor as Drake walks up the entrance ramp and to the back.
Jake Steel: Where’s Drake going!?
Caelan Tyler: I have no idea Jake, looks like he’s just gotten fed up with the rookies.
Jake Steel: …but… He has a match to win…
Caelan Tyler: I guess he just doesn’t care about the match.
Jake Steel: Damn…
The referee shakes his head as he watches Drake leave before turning his attention to the other two competitors, where Sam is stomping on Archangel before climbing up onto the apron for another aerial assault. Sam takes to the air as intended, but Archangel is able to catch him and in one swift move drops him stomach-first across the barricade. Sam yells out in pain as Archangel grabs him and whips him into the ring steps, jarring the steel stairs loose from their position upon impact.
Caelan Tyler: Well Drake took his ball and went home, leaving the two rookies to battle it out, and Archangel is in control of Sam here.
Jake Steel: Well yeah, Lampshade is a pipsqueak compared to Archangel. This should be a slaughter.
Caelan Tyler: That’s what we thought last Uprising when Black Phoenix went up against Drake.
Jake Steel: This is totally different, Sam’s not a crazy bitch.
Caelan Tyler: Touché.
Archangel rolls Sam into the ring, following him in and taunting the crowd before ripping the protective cover right off of the top turnbuckle. He makes a slashing motion across his throat before lifting Sam up for a powerbomb, bringing him down into the exposed turnbuckle with the Hedon Bomb! The crowd groans at the sound of the impact as Archangel drags Lampshade to the center of the ring and makes a cover.
1…
2…
3!
The bell sounds as Archangel stands up, raising his own arm up in victory.
Zach King: The winner of this match… ARCHANGEL!
Caelan Tyler: Archangel picking up his first win here in NLW with his debut match, although who knows how this would’ve ended had Drake not just bugged out.
Jake Steel: Well at least his finisher is cool.
Caelan Tyler: Painful looking too.
In the backstage area, Harvey walks around with the box of clutter that he’s been totting around when he bumps into everyone’s least favorite pyromaniac in Kevin Heat.
Kevin Heat: Hey, been meaning to talk to you Harv.
Harvey Danger: Um, about what?
Kevin Heat: The NLW Championship match tonight. Obviously I’m your man.
Harvey Danger: Um, sorry no…
Kevin Heat: WHAT?!
The crowd roars when they hear this.
Harvey Danger: Well um, you couldn’t beat Aphrodisia… So giving you a title match seemed a bit meh… So um yeah, went with someone else!
Kevin Heat: …
Harvey Danger: Later, got work to do!
With that Harvey dashes off, leaving a frustrated Heat behind.
Caelan Tyler: Looks like Heat’s not going to be getting a shot.
Jake Steel: Damn, wonder who it’ll be now? Please not be Kylo please not be Kylo please not be Kylo…
Kylo versus Aphrodisia Jordan
The lights in the arena dim down low. As the fans begin to go silent 'Hail to the Chief' begins to play. The fans jump back to their feet as Kylo steps out onto the ramp in his trademark sleeveless black 'KYLO8' shirt and the American flag tied around his neck like a cape. He makes his way down the ramp, shaking hands with as many people as he can. When he finally gets to the ring he slowly climbs in and begins looking around at all those cheering. He then stands in the center of the ring and with the peace sign on both hands raises his arms into the air as a large American flag is lowered from the rafters behind him and red, white, and blue pyro explode from the turnbuckles.
Zach King: The following match is a non-title Big Easy Brawl and is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring first, from Detroit, Michigan… weighing in at 260 pounds… KYLO!
Caelan Tyler: Kylo’s back after being MIA for the last show, and he’s drawn the unenviable task of trying to slow down the undefeated new Legacy champion in Aphrodisia.
Jake Steel: No kidding, I wouldn’t want to face one of them crazy bitches.
Caelan Tyler: I don’t think you want to say “Crazy bitches” too loudly Jake, she’s probably kick your ass.
Zach King: And his opponent…
The lights go out, plummeting the entire arena into darkness. For a few moments, there is nothing but the soft sounds of the crowds rumbling with anticipation. A low, raspy voice speaks:
From now on, we are enemies… you and I.
The speakers explode in the hauntingly melodic tune of 'Warheart' by Children of Bodom. Images begin to pulse upon the video screen in time to the base beat of a pale woman's body parts. Her hand, clutching a cigarette, black nails long and seemingly lethal. Her shoulder, marred by deep and ragged scars.
I'm an outcast on the path of rebound
Everything is frail, I desolate, crush, and burn
I have chosen darkness to be my guide
War is in my heart, death is by my side
Her naked back, littered with a bullet marks, cuts and whip marks that slice through the tattoos on her skin. Her right eye, deep blue orb piercing through the darkness, seeming to glow, accented by two, black lines cut into her skin from the middle of her forehead to below her cheek bone. The image of the woman's scarred eye begins to pan out, exposing the other, the barbell through the bridge of her nose. Her straight, black hair hangs around her face as it pans out further, exposing her nose, the ring through her septum. Her lips drawn back into a wicked smile that hints of things to come, the three rings glimmering devilishly.
Warheart! No remains from compassion or love
Warheart! Hate your fellow as yourself
I have chosen night to be my guide
When the daylight strikes, I hide in my trench and die
I'm the cold-blooded killer who'll fuck you up!
The images continues to pan out, exposing the rest of Aphrodisia Jordan's body, wrapped in tight, black latex dress that goes from her breasts to her thighs. Her lips part, teeth glinting sharply as she seems to growl at the camera. The image disappears, sending the video screen into darkness. Smoke billows up from the stage, a solitary, red spotlight illuminating through it. The feminine silhouette steps out of the shadows, outlined by the single red light. Aphrodisia breaks through the wall of smoke, purple and white fireworks erupting from around the video screen and stage, the crowds erupting in thunderous cheers. Her face is lacking her piercings, but the haunting lines through her eyes are enough to make-up for it. Upon the screen, images of past triumphs, injuries and death-defying moves play across the screen.
Warheart! No remains from compassion or love
Warheart! Hate your fellow as yourself
I'm the warheart, I'm dying to win the battle I live everyday
One for all and all for me I'm an animal better set me free
Her body is clad in a pair of baggy, black jeans that remain upon her shapely hips by a studded belt with a Jolly Roger belt-buckle. Her feet are adorned with heavy combat boots with skull laces, her abdomen covered with a black wife-beater. She begins to move down the ramp as the music enters its reprieve.
I'm an outcast on the path of rebound
Everything is frail, I desolate, crush, and burn
I have chosen darkness to be my guide
War is in my heart, death is by my side
She slides into the ring beneath the bottom rope, that sadistic grin still plastered on her face. Blue eyes scan the arena as she moves to her feet and then her corner, pacing like a caged animal.
Warheart! I'm the Warheart,
I'm dying to win the battle I live everyday
One for all and all for me.
I'm an animal: better set me free!
Zach King: Now in the ring, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana… weighing in at 168lbs… She is the NLW Legacy Champion… APHRODISIA JORDAN!
Caelan Tyler: Well if anyone can stop Aphrodisia in this sort of match, it would be Kylo, he’s made a career out of this type of match.
Jake Steel: What is a Big Easy Brawl anyways?
Caelan Tyler: I think it’s just a street fight.
Jake Steel: What an awful name.
Caelan Tyler: Blame Harvey.
The bell rings, and Aphrodisia immediately goes on the offensive, striking him with a chop. She immediately follows it up with a knee lift, doubling Kylo over. Wrapping her arm around Kylo’s neck, Aph brings him down with a swinging neckbreaker. With Kylo down, Aph bounces off the ropes, coming back and driving her knee into Kylo’s forehead. Aph then slides out of the ring, reaching under the apron and yanking out a variety of items to toss into the ring. Kendo stick, stop sign, trash can, all go flying into the ring.
Caelan Tyler: Aphrodisia starting out on the offensive here, bringing it to Kylo before littering the ring with weapons.
Jake Steel: She’s looking to hurt somebody, and I for one do not object to this action. Tear him a new one Aph whoo!
Caelan Tyler: I thought you didn’t like Aphrodisia?
Jake Steel: My favorite wrestler after Titan 3 and Triple M will always be the person facing Kylo. Duh.
Caelan Tyler: Figures.
Aphrodisia slides into the ring, where Kylo has stood up. With kendo stick in hand, Kylo brings it down across Aph’s exposed back, causing her to snarl in pain. She gets into her knees as Kylo brings down another blow to her back before putting her into a camel clutch, using the kendo stick across her chin.
Caelan Tyler: Well it looks as though bringing weapons into this has backfired on Aphrodisia.
Jake Steel: Oh yeah.
Aphrodisia seems to falter in her struggle, appearing to black out, which leads Kylo to shift his weight, attempting to put more pressure on her. But Aphrodisia slips out from the hold, and rolls quickly behind Kylo and out of the ring to buy herself time to recover.
Caelan Tyler: That’s smart of Aphrodisia Jordan to take a breather here, especially after being choked out with the kendo stick.
Jake Steel: Ah, but Kylo’s still got the stick, and other toys in the ring, I’m sure he’s not done yet.
As if hearing Steel’s words, Kylo drops the kendo stick and picks up the garbage can instead, which he takes to the edge of the ring and throws down onto Aphrodisia! Instead of a breather, she gets walloped by the can, and collapses to the arena floor in a heap. Kylo slides out the other side of the ring, before pulling a chair out from under the ring and heading around toward Aphrodisia.
Jake Steel: For those times when the stop sign in the ring just wasn’t good enough.
Caelan Tyler: Maybe he’s just a chair kinda guy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Kylo finally approaches Aphrodisia, only to be stunned by a leaping dropkick, delivered just as Kylo turned the corner of the ring. Kylo drops the chair, and Aphrodisia quickly batters him back with a flurry of punches and kicks. She hunches him over, before locking him and flipping forward for the Cat’s Cradle! But Kylo uses his weight to keep her from fully rotating, so they instead just fall back, with Aphrodisia crushed under Kylo’s weight, right on a steel chair!
Caelan Tyler: She just couldn’t get it done there, and if she did, it might’ve been the end for Kylo. A flipping piledriver onto a steel chair on the floor outside? No give at all.
Jake Steel: He would’ve been a few inches shorter if it connected, basically.
Caelan Tyler: Oh yeah. As is, that back drop looked like it did enough damage.
Kylo drags Aphrodisia back into the ring, hooking one leg for the cover.
1...
2...
Aphrodisia kicks out, just barely getting Kylo’s weight off of her shoulders! Kylo gets up and grabs the stop sign, but when he comes back for Aphrodisia, he is taken to the mat with a drop toe hold! Aphrodisia quickly seizes the advantage, battering him repeatedly with the stop sign, before leaping and coming down with a double stomp onto the stop sign right on Kylo’s head! She goes for the cover!
1...
2...
NO! Kylo gets a shoulder up!
Caelan Tyler: Some vicious antics there, I don’t know how Kylo kicked out of that one!
Jake Steel: I’m pretty sure I can see a big letter “S” on his face right now.
Aphrodisia sizes Kylo up, who is still stunned on the mat, before holding the stop sign to her chest and throwing herself back with a standing moonsault, which Kylo takes again right across the face! She goes for another cover!
1...
2...
Another kickout!
Caelan Tyler: Kylo is taking a lot of abuse, but damn if he isn’t keeping himself alive!
Jake Steel: Yeah, but how long can it last? You can only take so many shots to the head with metal objects before joo starts actin funniez!
Aphrodisia growls in frustration, before sliding out of the ring again, this time attempting to pull a table out from under the ring! She slides the table in, but as she gets in, she’s met by stomps from Kylo, who seems physically battered, even as he gains the momentum. A sudden low blow, and Kylo’s left staggering back, as Aphrodisia sets up the table, and then comes at Kylo again with the stop sign!
Caelan Tyler: This has been a back and forth match up, but every time it goes against him, Kylo seems to take more and more punishment!
Jake Steel: Aphrodisia has at least had the damage spread out. A kendo stick to the back, a garbage can to the head, and so on. Kylo just keeps getting railed in the head with that stop sign.
But not this time, as Aphrodisia is blasted to the mat, complete with her stop sign, when Kylo lunges forward and nails her right in the jaw with his Sweet Dreams super kick! Kylo lifts her to her feet and hunches her over the table that she set up earlier! He even places the stop sign right in the middle, before getting on the other side and setting up for the Downer! Kylo’s about to drive her down through the table, when she gains the senses to reach down and grab the stop sign, and crank him right in the face with it, yet another time!
Caelan Tyler: This can’t be good, I smell someone going through a table shortly!
Jake Steel: I don’t know, how does one really smell a table shot?
Caelan Tyler: It smells like fear.
Aphrodisia cracks Kylo over and over with the stop sign, leaving his face bloodied and him hunched over the table, almost completely unconscious! She licks his cheek, before climbing to the top rope…the French Kiss, crushing Kylo right through the table! Aphrodisia makes the cover!
1...
2...
3!
Aphrodisia glares at Kylo for a moment, and then around the audience, who are booing her pretty regularly in favor of Kylo. She shrugs, before making her way to the back.
Zach King: Your winner… APHRODISIA JORDAN!
Caelan Tyler: And Aphrodisia continues her winning streak here in NLW!
Jake Steel: Crazy bitches win matches. It’s a fact.
The camera cuts to a back door somewhere in the backstage area, the surrounding area is very quiet until two very deep voices can quietly be heard from the other side of the door…
Voice One: I’m telling you, it’s a perfect idea! Just what I need!
Voice Two:: It’s suicide! You’re too old! It’s been far too long! See sense, man!
The door clicks and swings open, revealing two silhouettes, one average sized, the other is a gigantic figure of a man, over seven feet in height! As the figures walk into the light…
Jake Steel: Who the hell is that?
Caelan Tyler: HOLY JESUS, IT’S THE STREET SHARK! I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD! Or retired, one or the other.
Jake Steel: Well he’s definitely not dead, that’s for sure.
To the soundtrack of huge cheers from the crowd, the figures of the huge Street Shark, the former competitor from the ICWF and OCW and his manager, agent, trainer and brother all rolled into one, Paul become clear in the shot, Street Shark looks about 30 pounds lighter than he used to, he also looks in great shape! Paul, on the other hand, looks nervous and exhausted.
Street Shark: Hey, I was invited here by a pair of old acquaintances and I just couldn’t turn it down!
Paul: Right, well will you please tell me who the hell it is? I can’t stand the suspense any more! 10 hours on that god damn plane and you told me nothing! SPEAK TO ME!
Street Shark: Relax! You know the guys! Back from the old days! Mr. Jack Sullivan!
Paul: Ah yes, I remember Jack, one hell of a fighter!
Street Shark: Yeah, he invited me here and I just couldn’t say no to getting to talk about the old days!
Paul: It’s just a social visit then? That’s good! I was getting worried you were coming back to wrestle! What a relief that is! You had me going there!
Street Shark: Yes it is a visit, just not a social one! I’m here to collect something off of Jack!
Paul: And what might that be?
Street Shark: Oh, nothing, really! (Nervously) Just… Just my copy of my new contract.
Paul: What??? CONTRACT?!? ARE YOU INSANE? This is madness! You’re too old to…
Paul is cut off by Harvey Danger walking into the scene. He is still carrying his cardboard box and he looks quickly at his surroundings. Harvey gulps and opens his mouth to speak, but only a small squeak comes out. He clears his throat and tries again.
Harvey Danger: Uh... hey... man. Hey.
Street Shark's face shows no recognition of Harvey. He stares at him through his sunglasses and makes no effort to say hello or even acknowledge his presence.
Harvey Danger: Uh... long time no see. How's things been?
Street Shark continues to stare at Harvey as if he has no clue who is sitting in front of him. Harvey looks around nervously and fidgets with the box some more.
Harvey Danger:I'm running the show tonight! Uh, I'm sure you knew that... duh, Harvey. He's here working tonight, isn't he. I'm sorry Sharky, that was stupid of me. I guess you knew that already. You’re working tonight... for me! Would you ever imagine that, back in the old days of ICWF? I'd be in charge of an entire show? You won’t believe the stuff they have me doing tonight. Why just a few minutes ago I took charge of an entire situation involving the pyrotechnic team.... saved the day, really!
Harvey looks at Street Shark and sighs. Paul stands nervously as Shark stares off into the distance, not acknowledging Harvey. Harvey's brow furrows and he looks annoyed that the lack of recognition. Harvey walks away, and after a few moments a door can be heard being slammed. Harvey walks back and starts over like nothing has happened.
Harvey Danger:Hey man, long time no see! How's things with you old friend?
Street Shark slides his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose and leers over the top of them towards Harvey.
Street Shark: Well... I'll be damned. You’re still alive.
Harvey Danger: What? Of course I'm alive. I'm in charge tonight!
Street Shark and Harvey Danger look at each other for a second or two. Then Shark makes a big show of using his middle finger to push his sunglasses back into place at the top of his nose.
Harvey Danger:Hey man, I brought you some things!
Harvey motions towards the box and Street Shark just grunts.
Harvey Danger:Yes man, like old times! Remember when me and you were tag team buddies! And look at me now, I'm in upper management! You know my Ma always said I'd get ahead in life! Yes sir, look at me now!
A phone chirps, alerting someone to a text message. Harvey pulls his phone out of his pocket and presses some buttons.
Harvey Danger:Oh sorry about that. That's just my mom...ma. Sugar momma. Yeah, I got those now too! Anyways, check this out man. I've got some good stuff for you.
Harvey puts the box on a table and rips it open. Street Shark stands up to peer over Harvey’s shoulder. Harvey begins pulling out cheap souvenirs and other various merchandise.
Harvey Danger: I've got some great stuff in here! Look at all of this! Mugs, posters, trading cards, magazine clippings... I've got them all! I've got something really special for you in here. Let me see, let me see!
Behind him, Street Shark slowly tip toes away from Harvey with Paul in tow and the crowd begins laughing in the background.
Harvey Danger:Here it is! The thing I used to hold so near and dear!
He spins around holding a t-shirt over his head. He spreads it out, and it’s the old Street Shark and Harvey Danger Misfits Tag Team tee-shirt from ICWF. Harvey is grinning like a boy about to get lucky on prom night.
Harvey Danger: Look, a Shark and Danger shirt!!
Street Shark is gone and Danger looks visibly hurt. His phone rings again and Danger cries out in agony. He sets his phone down on the table and we even see a slight quiver to his lower lip. Brushing the hair out of his eyes, Danger runs from the room. The cameraman walks over to the table and zooms in on the caller ID screen of the phone.
It reads 'Mommy'
Caelan Tyler: Wow…
Jake Steel: HA! Harvey got OWNED!
Caelan Tyler: That was harsh.
Jake Steel: He deserved it though, he’s Harvey!
Josh Allen versus Kevin Heat
Zach King: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall…
The fading-in echo of “I” ricochets from one end of the arena to the other.
“I… won’t back down!
I will not bow!
(I’ve come to bring you hell)”
As the chorus of “Won’t Back Down” by Fuel begins to play, Kevin Heat walks out with a smug smirk on his face. He ignores all crowd reaction, whether cheer, boo or indifferent, though jeers seem to be the majority. Either way, he walks down to the ring as if he owns the place, stopping to get a good look at the fans faces every once in a while and shaking his head in disappointment. He enters the ring gradually and stares down his opponent.
Zach King: Introducing first, from Baltimore, Maryland, weighing in at 228 pounds… KEVIN HEAT!
Jake Steel: A young man seemingly suffering mixed fortunes as of late!
Caelan Tyler: Indeed, after losing out on the NLW Championship to Venom we saw Kevin Heat lose his Legacy Championship just a couple of weeks ago to Aphrodisia Jordan! It’ll be interesting to see how he responds tonight…
Zach King: … aaaaand his opponent!
“BOOOOOO!”
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. The electrical sounds fill the ears of all in attendance as 'Remedy' by Seether brings Josh Allen out from the back.
Allen heads toward the ring, eyes fixated on the squared circle, ignoring the jeers of the fans who seemingly have turned against him in the space of one evening.
Allen slides in and takes himself to the nearest corner turnbuckle. He steps on the second rope, looks at the crowd and smirks, slightly raising his hands to further boos. He slides off back to the mat.
Zach King: From Broken Arrow, Oklahoma… in the ring… this is… JOSH ALLEN!
Caelan Tyler: These fans really have turned against Josh Allen after what went down between him and Murray earlier, and I can’t say I blame them!
Jake Steel: Who cares what these idiots think!?! JA did himself a favour distancing himself from that Scottish loser!
Caelan Tyler: They wont be very distanced in four weeks time when they’re in the Equalizer together, Jake!
DING! DING! DING!
Josh and Heat come to the centre of the ring, each standing tall and firm before engaging in a brawl. Kevin throws his fist at Allen, but Josh fires back with a right of his own, before Heat lets loose with some hard shots to Josh’s chest. Two blows before Josh fires back with overhand slaps to Heat’s chest, and then Heat reverses with an eye gouge.
Caelan Tyler: The official being a bit lenient in these early stages.
Josh, backed off and stunned, rubs his eyes to regain his vision. But he would have to be quicker to avoid…
Caelan Tyler: HEARTBURN!
Jake Steel: Swing and a miss there, Tyler!
Josh barely recovers his vision enough to drop to his knees to avoid Heat’s patented superkick. Once there, he sweeps Heat’s other leg, which sends him tumbling down to the mat on his back. Once there, Josh rolls on top and raises his fist to strike Heat. But before he can do so, Heat flips Allen and rolls on top of him, and then just lets LOOSE with a flurry of rights and lefts that the crowd was behind each blow.
Caelan Tyler: This is like something you’d see in UFC!
Jake Steel: Are you surprised? Kevin Heat is an AWESOME brawler!
The official literally drags Heat off of Josh’s body, wrapping his hands around Heat’s waist and desperately pulling him away. Even so, that isn’t enough, as once Heat is completely off Josh, Josh returns to his feet and Heat is already charging full speed toward him.
Caelan Tyler: Here it comes…
Josh sidesteps him and sends him off to the other sides of the ropes. Returning, the Allen leapfrogs over Kevin Heat, and then drops down once more to avoid him returning off the other side. Back, Josh leapfrogs again.
Jake Steel: Uh-oh!
But gets caught…
… and PLANTED with a vicious powerbomb on the back of his neck!
Caelan Tyler: Josh Allen is hurt early here Jake! What a vicious move! It’ll be amazing to see him recover.
Jake Steel: He can do it though! What a great match… all NLW matches should have Josh Allen and Kevin Heat in them!
Caelan Tyler: Hold on, at the start of the show you HATED Josh Allen… what’s wrong with you!?!
Jake Steel: He owned Murray, man! That’s an easy route to my appreciation!
With Josh Allen down, Kevin takes this opportunity to climb quickly to the top rope. But once there, Josh rolls toward the corner that Heat had climbed, not allowing him to leap with his high flying maneuver. Josh himself climbs up with the former Legacy Champion, as they began to hammer back and forth with rights and lefts. Heat, the fresher of the two, gains the advantage early, so much so that Josh began to teeter above the announce table.
Caelan Tyler: This could get dangerous Jake!
Jake Steel: BRING IT ON!
Heat lets loose with right hand, after right hand, after right hand, until Josh is only holding on by one arm, which held the top rope for dear life. And that’s when Heat lets loose with a vicious knife edge chop, targeted at the throat!
Jake Steel: OUCH! WHAT A SHOT!
Josh immediately gags and grasps at his neck, letting go of the top rope and falling back first to the apron and then rolling off the apron and to the outside from losing his grip. He hits the outside with a thud, a sick audible sound echoing throughout the arena!
Caelan Tyler: Oww.
Jake Steel: …
Caelan Tyler: Josh Allen took a vicious tumble to the outside. But Heat isn’t giving Josh any time to recover!
Kevin slides out of the ring underneath the bottom rope and picks Josh up by his neck. With his face eye level with Heat, Heat takes the time to say something before SLAMMING him face first into the steel turnbuckle. His knees smacking hard against the steel steps, before he flops completely over the steps and onto his back.
Caelan Tyler: Heat is a very very violent man tonight! I wonder what’s got into him!?!
Jake Steel: I guess he’s just pissed about losing to that crazy goth two weeks ago!
Heat lets out a devilish smile, before jumping onto the steel steps and using them as a springboard to fly with a BEAUTIFUL shooting star press… which crunches both men!
Caelan Tyler: The official has no other choice but to start his count. Both men are out after that death defying manoeuvre from Kevin Heat and they’re on the outside!
1
2
3
4
5
Heat begins to pull himself up by using the apron, holding onto his left knee and wincing in pain, before sliding back into the ring.
Caelan Tyler: And that’s why Heat was delayed. He must have landed hard on the tough mats!
Jake Steel: Tough mats!?! Are you, like, speaking English?
Caelan Tyler: Those mats may be protective, but there’s still feet of concrete underneath them!
Jake Steel: See, that’s English. The other thing was German or something. I’m not a scholar.
Allen slowly gets to his feet as well, breaking the count by sliding in the ring. Allen, inside the ring realizes this is his chance (with Kevin examining his hurt knee), as he races off the side ropes and returns, leaping into the air with a spinning plancha that takes Kevin down!
Jake Steel: WHAT A MOVE!
Caelan Tyler: That’s my line!
Jake Steel: Shut it, bitchy!
Josh lifts Heat to his feet quickly, attempting to keep the momentum, and tosses him into the ring. Once there, Josh climbs up to the top rope, arms outstretched to boos, before leaping…
Caelan Tyler: 450 splash!
Indeed Allen connects with the high-impact aerial move. He instantly seizes the momentum and pulls Kevin Heat back up, before locking his arms and drilling him with a Vertebreaker!
Caelan Tyler: Touch Of Reality!
Jake Steel: It’s over!
1
2
3!!!
“Remedy” begins to play and the jeers rain down as Allen begins to celebrate his victory.
Zach King: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner… JOSH ALLEN!
Caelan Tyler: And Allen picks up the victory! But where was Kevin Heat tonight!?!
Jake Steel: God knows, he’s not usually beaten that quickly! Oh well, Allen picks up a bit of valuable momentum on his way to kicking Andy Murray’s ass!
Backstage, walking around the corridors, is one of the new faces to the federation, “The Hellacious One” Draco. He has a white piece of paper folded in his hand with the official stamp of NLW on the back. All the wrestlers would recognize this as the contract they signed to compete for NLW. Draco has yet to make a decision to the contract that Harvey Danger sent him after the last show.
He continues to walk aimlessly around the building reading the contract over and over like he had since receiving it. The money was good, the bonuses were even better, and they even were lax on the amount of public appearances he had to make. All in all, it was the perfect contract for him. He had to make a decision soon.
”This contract is null and void by the sixth of April, two-thousand and eight at eleven-o-clock pm.”
Draco had a decision to make and it was to be done before the end of the show. Either come out of retirement or just become another name that some poor internet fan will mark over while watching clips over Youtube.
Caelan Tyler: Wonder what Draco will choose to do.
Jake Steel: I don’t know, I’m not psychic!
Cut to the backstage area, where a clearly alarmed Harvey Danger is found hurtling through the corridors like a man possessed. He reaches a T-section in the halls and looks to his left, noticing a group of staff members and backstage workers standing around, engaged in conversation.
Harvey Danger: Guys, come quickly! Seriously! He’s hurt!
Caelan Tyler: What the hell is this all about!?!
Jake Steel: God knows Caelan…
The commissioner motions for the faceless members of the ring crew to follow him, which they do, matching his jogging pace. Eventually they come to a halt. At Danger’s feet lies an unconscious man, his face covered in blood and his clothes torn and stretched. Signs of a struggle are evident all around; displaced cables and crates, even a few dents in the plasterboard walls.
Caelan Tyler: Oh my god…
Jake Steel: Who IS that?!
Caelan Tyler: It’s Andy Murray! Somebody has beaten the living HELL out of Andy Murray!
Jake Steel: And it wouldn’t take a genius to figure out who!
Harvey and his colleagues make attempts to revive the fallen Scotsman, but so far to no avail. Behind Harvey two figures walk up, the smaller of the two clearly feminine and the other one much more massive and muscular, with tattoos stretching down his forearms. Harvey looks up, gulping in fear as he spots the two.
Harvey Danger: Um, hi Joan…? With Jack being gone I definitely didn’t expect to see you here…
Joan Sullivan: Well someone has to run this mess while Jack’s out making an idiot out of himself.
Harvey Danger: But… I’m running this mess…
Joan Sullivan: I’ve noticed. Where the hell were you when this happened?
Harvey Danger: Um, I was getting rid of a box of… *sighs* junk…
Joan Sullivan: That’s not good at all. You’re done Harvey.
Harvey Danger: What?!
Joan Sullivan: I’m dropping your commissioner title. You can keep your contract but if you want to hang around it’s going to be in the ring and not in an office job.
Harvey Danger: Who’s going to run NLW while Jack’s gone…
Joan Sullivan: I will. Come on Slayer; let’s try to find who’s responsible for this.
The large figure grumbles before walking away with Joan, leaving Harvey to sulk.
Harvey Danger: Just not my night…
Caelan Tyler: Harvey just got fired!
Jake Steel: THANK YOU! THERE IS A GOD!
The Phoenix versus ????
The echoes of wind blowing fill the arena, followed by the whine of an electric guitar as Bon Jovi's 'Blaze of Glory' hits. A few moments later, the instrumental ends as Jon Bon Jovi sings, a capella:
Wake up in the morning and I raise my weary head,
Got an old coat for a pillow, and the earth was last night's bed.
I don't know where I'm going, only God knows where I've been,
I'm a devil on the run, a six-gun lover, a candle in the wind....
Then, as the instruments flare up again, a plume of fire erupts at the top of the aisle, and as it dies one can see the figure of a rather large man walking deliberately to the ring. It is at this point that the introduction is made.
Zach King: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the NLW Championship! Making his way to the ring first, from The End of Nowhere… Weighing 365 pounds... THE PHOENIX!
Phoenix's face is simply a mask of concentration as he adjusts the straps on his red fingerless gloves. As he reaches one of the stairs to ascend to the apron, he stops, takes a deep breath, and let’s out a primal scream to the heavens before climbing the stairs. He then enters the ring, bouncing off of the ropes on each side to stretch out a bit before the match starts.
Caelan Tyler: Injured or not from his own car-related mishap, The Phoenix looks ready to compete for the NLW Championship. Now if only he knew what he was up against.
Jake Steel: I bet he’ll be finding out soon enough who he’s going to lose against.
Caelan Tyler: I think he has as good a chance as anyone to win the NLW Championship Jake.
Jake Steel: He only got this far on a fluke. This is where the road ends for him.
Caelan Tyler: Well it’s time now to find out who is opponent is….
Zach King: And his opponent…
The lights go out, plummeting the entire arena into darkness. For a few moments, there is nothing but the soft sounds of the crowds rumbling with anticipation. A low, raspy voice speaks:
From now on, we are enemies… you and I.
The speakers explode in the hauntingly melodic tune of 'Warheart' by Children of Bodom. Images begin to pulse upon the video screen in time to the base beat of a pale woman's body parts. Her hand, clutching a cigarette, black nails long and seemingly lethal. Her shoulder, marred by deep and ragged scars.
I'm an outcast on the path of rebound
Everything is frail, I desolate, crush, and burn
I have chosen darkness to be my guide
War is in my heart, death is by my side
Her naked back, littered with a bullet marks, cuts and whip marks that slice through the tattoos on her skin. Her right eye, deep blue orb piercing through the darkness, seeming to glow, accented by two, black lines cut into her skin from the middle of her forehead to below her cheek bone. The image of the woman's scarred eye begins to pan out, exposing the other, the barbell through the bridge of her nose. Her straight, black hair hangs around her face as it pans out further, exposing her nose, the ring through her septum. Her lips drawn back into a wicked smile that hints of things to come, the three rings glimmering devilishly.
Warheart! No remains from compassion or love
Warheart! Hate your fellow as yourself
I have chosen night to be my guide
When the daylight strikes; I hide in my trench and die
I'm the cold-blooded killer who'll fuck you up!
The images continues to pan out, exposing the rest of Aphrodisia Jordan's body, wrapped in tight, black latex dress that goes from her breasts to her thighs. Her lips part, teeth glinting sharply as she seems to growl at the camera. The image disappears, sending the video screen into darkness. Smoke billows up from the stage, a solitary, red spotlight illuminating through it. The feminine silhouette steps out of the shadows, outlined by the single red light. Aphrodisia breaks through the wall of smoke, purple and white fireworks erupting from around the video screen and stage, the crowds erupting in thunderous cheers.
Caelan Tyler: There is our Legacy Champion and–WAIT!
Jake Steel: Ah-ha! YES!
A figure is quick to follow her through the smoke. Aphrodisia is oblivious to this presence as the screen shows images of past triumphs, injuries and death-defying moves. Before she has a chance to react this man levels her from behind. Rolling down the steel ramp, the crowd erupts into boos for this man. The former Legacy Champion...
Jake Steel: Kevin Heat, not doubt trying to get revenge for being snubbed!
Caelan Tyler: Oh, get off it! He lost clean last week and is throwing a hissy fit about not getting chosen because of it.
Kevin Heat continues to lay the boots into Aphrodisia Jordan. Each time she attempts to get up, he sends her back to the thin mat covering the concrete floor. The Phoenix stands on the far side of the ring watching his newly announced competitor get beaten. Kevin Heat throws Aphrodisia Jordan hard against the ring steps and grabs a chair making a rather malicious gesture.
Jake Steel: Oh, this is going to be good. I wanna see some crazy beatdown!
Caelan Tyler: The match–which Heat has no part of, mind you!–hasn’t even started yet! The Phoenix is just watching. This is horrible!
The crowd is booing and even throwing a few soda cups and food items at Kevin Heat. He blocks himself a few times and then raises the chair up above his head. Aphrodisia Jordan looks out of it. The crowd turns their attention toward the entrance ramp.
Jake Steel: Awww, what the hell!
Caelan Tyler: It’s Draco! He is coming to make the save!
Jake Steel: Turn around Kevin. TURN AROUND!
And Kevin Heat takes the advice as he sees Draco just a few yards away. Draco jumps into the air and Heat swings the chair down on top of the would-be knight in shining armor. Draco intercepts the chair shot and plows through it hitting a devastating shining wizard. The chair blasts into Heat’s face and he falls backwards with a sick thud against the ring ropes.
The crowd is cheer as Draco is stomps the chair against the fallen Heat’s face until he is lying on his back. Kevin Heat is busted open and Draco pulls him up to his feet throwing him up the entrance ramp. He gets a few steps and ends up falling a bit woozy from the blind side Draco hit. Draco stands there begging for Heat to get back up as he waves the dented and bloody chair.
Caelan Tyler: I guess that is Draco’s answer! He is staying in NLW and wants a piece of Kevin Heat!
Jake Steel: Another freak? God damnit!
Aphrodisia Jordan gets back up to her feet with a confused look on her face. She looks over at Draco and then crawls into the ring knowing she has a match. Draco signs the proverbial ‘x’ on the contract with his thumb after wiping off some of Kevin Heat’s blood from the chair. The action on the outside of the ring cools off long enough for the action inside the ring to begin.
Zach King: Ummm… Okay… Now in the ring, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana… weighing in at 168 pounds… She is the NLW Legacy Champion… APHRODISIA JORDAN!
Caelan Tyler: Hopefully Aph will be able to pull out of this and continue the match.
Jake Steel: Damn, I wanted more beatdown. Okay Aph, kick Phoenix’s ass!
Caelan Tyler: Wait, you were just wanted to see her get beatdown and now you’re cheering for her?
Jake Steel: I have my reasons.
The bell rings, and the two competitors circle the ring, neither one wanting to make the first move considering the confusion that just occured. The Phoenix pauses before extending a hand out to Aphrodisia in a show of sportsmanship that is exceptionally rare in NLW. Aphrodisia cautiously accepts the handshake and returns it before pulling Phoenix in closer, driving a knee into his gut and then a forearm into his skull. Aphrodisia then follows it up with a vicious headbutt, which sends Phoenix to the mat.
Caelan Tyler: Well so much for that show of sportsmanship.
Jake Steel: Don’t be stupid Phoenix, she’s one of those Crazy Bitches of NLW, they don’t believe in sportsmanship!
Caelan Tyler: Apparently not.
Jake Steel: As if there was any other possible outcome for what just happened. Use your head Phoenix!
Caelan Tyler: Hey now, the guy’s had a rough week.
Jake Steel: No excuse, if he wants to be the champ he’s got to be smarter than that!
Caelan Tyler: …Wow, you actually made a valid point there. I’m shocked.
Aphrodisia begins to put the boots to Phoenix before mounting his back and putting on a chinlock. Before Aphrodisia can get a good lock in on him Phoenix gets to his feet, and with Aph hanging onto his back charges backwards, compressing her between his massive frame and the turnbuckles. Aph immediately releases her grip on Phoenix, and he begins to deliver back elbows to the side of her head before flipping her out of the corner with a snapmare. Phoenix then rears back, and delivers a boot right to the small of Aphrodisia’s back.
Caelan Tyler: Aph tried for a more technical approach to kick this off and it’s backfired on her.
Jake Steel: Seriously what the hell? You gotta be the vicious bitch here Aph!
Caelan Tyler: I don’t think she’s going to be keen on taking your advice Jake, she’s gotten this far by not listening to you.
Jake Steel: Exactly! With my help I could take her to the top! Aph and Steel, unstoppable duo WHOO!
Caelan Tyler: …What are you smoking and where can I get some?
Aph rolls over onto her back, and Phoenix quickly grabs her leg, pulling it up and dropping down, driving his elbow into her knee and wrenching it a bit before spinning her onto her stomach, lifting her leg and slamming it knee-first into the mat. Aph then kicks, and manages to wiggle her leg out of Phoenix’s grip. She quickly rolls away from Phoenix, pulling herself to her feet and wincing a bit when she puts some weight down on it. Phoenix quickly charges her, but she catches him with a roundhouse kick, dropping him to the mat. She quickly follows it up with a standing moonsault and a cover.
1…
2…
No, Shoulder up!
Caelan Tyler: Beautiful moonsault there by Aphrodisia, but it wasn’t enough to keep The Phoenix down for a three count.
Jake Steel: The big guy can take a lot of punishment, I’ll give him that much.
Caelan Tyler: Plus he’s never been pinned or tapped in a NLW ring, so Aph’s going to have her hands full with a competitor who’s double her own weight.
Jake Steel: She’s gonna need to keep using their kicks to keep him at bay, not that I wouldn’t mind those legs being wrapped around me…
Caelan Tyler: Kids. Show. Jake.
Jake Steel: Bull, no kid would be awake at this time of night.
Aphrodisia quickly gets back to her feet and scampers up the turnbuckles, waiting for Phoenix to get to his feet. He does, and she leaps off, doing a front flip and catching him with the dragonrana into a pin!
Caelan Tyler: The Final Aphrodisiac! This could do it!
1…
2…
No, once again Phoenix gets his shoulder up!
Caelan Tyler: Aphrodisia trying to use a flurry of offense here to keep Phoenix off balance and to try to steal the win, but it doesn’t look like she’s getting anywhere with that strategy yet.
Jake Steel: Come on Aph, I’m pulling for you! Slap around that tubby bastard!
Caelan Tyler: Phoenix has just as much a chance to win this as Aphrodisia does.
Jake Steel: Maybe in your dream world.
Aphrodisia pulls The Phoenix to his feet, but he quickly cuts her off with an uppercut before slamming her to the mat with a belly to belly suplex. Aphrodisia slides across the ring near a corner, and The Phoenix exits the ring, grabbing Aphrodisia’s leg and pulling it towards a ring post. The Phoenix then slams her leg against the post, causing Aphrodisia to yell out in pain. Undaunted, The Phoenix does it again, causing the referee to yell at him to get back in the ring.
Caelan Tyler: The Phoenix is back in control, and once again he’s starting to work over the leg of Aphrodisia to try to soften her up for the Blaze of Glory.
Jake Steel: What a dumb move name.
Caelan Tyler: What, you’re not a fan of Bon Jovi?
Jake Steel: Hell no! I listen to some metal shit man.
Caelan Tyler: That’s why I found that Yanni album in your car, right?
Jake Steel: …My sister left that in there, I swear!
The Phoenix slides back into the ring, pulling Aphrodisia to her feet and lifting her up, folding her leg and dropping down to one knee, driving it into her injured leg! The Phoenix then hooks Aphrodisia by the head before cradling that leg and lifting her up, driving her to the mat with a fisherman’s suplex! Phoenix holds on for the pin attempt.
1…
2…
No, Aph is able to break the bridge and the pin!
Caelan Tyler: The Phoenix’s assault on Aphrodisia continues, and she just barely got out of that one.
Jake Steel: That’s one advantage The Phoenix has on Aphrodisia, 300 plus pounds putting your shoulders to the mat is a bitch to deal with.
Caelan Tyler: …Another valid point from you? Okay seriously now, what pod did you grow out of and where did you put the real Jake? This is just getting too damn weird.
Jake Steel: That’s what your…
Caelan Tyler: Don’t even think about finishing that.
In the ring, The Phoenix hauls Aphrodisia to her feet, trying to hook her for another suplex, but Aphrodisia is able to grab his leg and rolls back, putting him into an inside cradle!
1…
2…
No, Phoenix fights his way out! Aphrodisia pulls herself to her feet, limping a bit on the left leg that Phoenix has been working on as Phoenix himself gets up. Aph quickly hits him with a dropkick, knocking him back into the ropes. Aph quickly follows through with a leg lariat, knocking The Phoenix out to ringside. Aph then runs to the opposite side of the ring bouncing off the ropes and running back flipping over the top rope and into Phoenix at ringside! 1! Phoenix slams into the barricade hard, and for the moment both competitors are down and out.
Caelan Tyler: Impressive move there by Aphrodisia, and both competitors are now laid out at ringside with the count starting.
Jake Steel: Come on Aph, don’t get counted out! I gotta recoup my losses here, I had UNC yesterday damnit!
Caelan Tyler: …Wait a second, you’re betting on this match?
Jake Steel: Yeah, double or nothing the person facing The Phoenix wins.
Caelan Tyler: Wow, that is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say you’ve done.
Jake Steel: I’ve done dumber. Come on, it’s a safe bet!
Caelan Tyler: Riiiiiight. The ref’s count is up to 4 and there are still no signs of movement from the two competitors.
5! Aphrodisia begins to stir, but Phoenix, who slammed hard into the barricade, is still motionless. 6! Aph is back to her feet, and The Phoenix is starting to stir as well. 7! Aphrodisia rolls into the ring to break up the count, and then rolls back out, chopping Phoenix across the chest. 1! Aph pulls Phoenix to his feet, sliding him back into the ring. Aph follows him in, driving an elbow into Phoenix’s back. Aph then tries to put Phoenix into a boston crab, but Phoenix is able to power his way out, sending Aph flying into the ropes. Phoenix pulls himself to his feet, grabbing Aph and lifting her up with a fireman’s carry and driving her to the mat with The Immolation! The Phoenix quickly hooks her leg!
1…
2…
NO! It wasn’t enough!
Caelan Tyler: Nothing Phoenix is throwing at Aph is getting the job done here tonight.
Jake Steel: Told you, safe bet!
Caelan Tyler: Perhaps not, Aph might’ve been able to get her shoulder up, but she might be easy prey now for the Blaze of Glory.
Jake Steel: Fat chance! She’s gotta win it all here man, cover the spread!
Caelan Tyler: …How can you have a spread in wrestling?
Jake Steel: Not sure, but Vegas figured out a way.
Caelan Tyler: Unbelievable.
The Phoenix slaps the mat in frustration before moving over to the corner, slowly climbing up to the top turnbuckle. The Phoenix measures the distance with his eyes before taking off for the Flashfire! Phoenix took too long though, and Aph is able to roll out of the way, sending Phoenix crashing face-first to the mat! Aph shakes her head, trying to regain her bearings before using the ropes to pull herself up. Phoenix slowly gets to his feet, stumbling up doubled over as Aphrodisia charges at him, leaping into the air and grabbing his midsection, lifting him up and driving him down head-first with the Cat’s Cradle!
Caelan Tyler: HOLY!
Jake Steel: Whoa, I didn’t think she’d be able to hit a move like that on a guy that much bigger than her.
Caelan Tyler: She’s stronger than she looks!
Aphrodisia quickly flips Phoenix onto his back, licking his cheek. Aph then started to climb onto the top turnbuckle, stretching out her arms, giving herself a bit of leverage by putting all her weight upon the ropes. The ropes send her up, forcing her into a 630 Splash. She connects with the move, and drapes her arm over Phoenix.
Caelan Tyler: The French Kiss! Aph hit her finisher!
1…
2…
3!
The bell rings as the crowd erupts with cheers as Aph slowly pulls herself to her feet, the realization of her accomplishment starting to set in. The referee then hands Aphrodisia both the NLW Legacy and NLW Championship belts, which she cradles. The Phoenix Shakes his head, slowly pulling himself up, realizing that he’s lost the match. He extends his hand again, and again Aphrodisia accepts it. After shaking her hand, The Phoenix exits the ring as Aphrodisia basks in the cheers.
Caelan Tyler: She did it!
Jake Steel: I knew she’d cover the spread!
Zach King: Your winner, and NEW NLW Champion… APHRODISIA JORDAN!
Caelan Tyler: That’s all the time we have tonight folks, see you next Uprising!