I could not even begin to give you all of the reasons why they should just let me rest and go straight to the big Triple Threat for the NLW Title.

BUT I WILL ANYWAY, BECAUSE JIN ROYALE REDEFINES THE IMPOSSIBLE.

Whatever that means.

I mean, I could go on and on about how Flake Slumday and the Wack Penis are not your typical challenge for a part-time wrestle-cuz-I-feel-like-it Mr. Showtime The Whole Freakin' Show Jin Royale. I mean I could pin Drake Munday in my sleep and I think I actually did pin Black Phoenix in my sleep (I don't know for sure - I was asleep).

But see, that's the whole point! There's no style. No finesse. No reason for me to actually go back and pay any attention to these guys at all. It's like setting your TiVo to record the last half of a random episode of Perfect Strangers. Sure, Balki's funny and all, and...well, maybe that was a bad simile, I kinda liked Perfect Strangers. Nah, it's like watching a Jack Sullivan vs. Big Bifford Technical Showcase match. I mean it's funny to watch just on principle, but...after a while it loses its charm.

Pretty sure that describes Drake Munday to a tee. Sure, you might try Crystal Pepsi once for the gimmick but in the end the original Pepsi was just better. And Black Phoenix is that sort of weird drink you get at a goth bar to impress your Hot Topic friends. But no, Pepsi. It always comes back to the original.

And that's what's happening here. In the end, you have to go with what consistently meets expectations. That's WHY I'm in this Triple Threat, you know. Sure, it would look fishy if I was just handed the NLW Title, but you know, if I had to plow through the best of this federation in order to do it? Who's gonna say no?

Not me, not the fans, and if you ask any of these guys in this whole thing?

They wouldn't either.

-----

Royale Headquarters Research and Development Room, 8:45 PM

'So the rockets, see, they're full of garlic.'

Jin used his laser pointer on the projection screen - the white background was damnably good for projections, which explained the giant sugar cube in the middle of R&D. So long as you could avoid the slight glare, it was perfect and gave the room a slightly sweet aroma all of the time.

On the white wall itself was a projection of a giant robot. It was pretty much a giant mech replica of Jin Royale himself, with blue metal, sunglasses and a Ninja Turtle-like angry grin (if there was such a thing as an angry grin, this was it).

In retrospect, Jin would think later, this would have been a much harder sell as a feasible project if he hadn't known his audience.

'Hooooly crap.' Jason Stone leaned forward in the metal chair. 'So you're saying that you're gonna spend the better part of a million dollars on a giant robot.'

'Yup.'

'...A giant Jin robot.'

'Yup.'

'Named the Jin Royaleobo.'

'You bet your ass. We're gonna build this fucker up then, I dunno, go to the moon or something. Hells yeah.' Jin gave a big thumbs up.

Jason stroked his chin. 'Man, I dunno. You're using your own company's money for this?'

'Well...yeah.' Jin rubbed his chin. 'I mean I figure if we make it as a Royale Inc product we could sell these to the military or something, you know? Or maybe be all like Tony Stark.'

'But you're already a millionaire.'

'Well, yeah, but I don't have a mech.'

'Iron Man wasn't a mec-'

'Ah-ah-ah-ah!' The NLW part-time superstar shushed Jason with a hand. 'That isn't important. Now look here.' He reached behind the sugar cube and pulled out a large...missile. At least it looked like a missile. 'This here is a Tiger F-10 dumbfire missile.'

'Dumbfire? Isn't that dangerous?'

'No, it only hits dumb people, and since that's all the people I ever wrestle, I figure it works out if they wanna take it outside of the ring one of the days.'

Jason leaned forward even more in his chair. 'For serious? But like...who else would want to challenge a mech?'

'Didn't they have a mech in Twilight?'

'No, no, they didn't.' Jason nodded with absolute certainty.

'...Goddamn it, Jason.' Jin's shoulders slumped, carrying the missile easily in his arms. 'You know, I know I asked you to read some Twilight so I could get some good digs in on Black Phoenix, but man...when we're not on, you don't have to like...act like you read it.'

'But I can't UNread it. Burns into your retinas.' The Canadian pulled down his eyelid a little, as if branded and willing to show it.

'...Whatever, man. At any rate, this's how it's rolling.' He set the missile down. 'I figure construction's about 40% done.'

Jason blinked audibly - it was an indescribable sound. 'Wait, what? 40% done? But you barely started ordering the parts yesterday.'

'Welllllll...' Jin spun around in place, missile perilously close to knocking against the sugar cube wall. 'See, I bought a lot of it pre-built.'

'Pre-built? Someone else's mech?!'

'Well, people're always TRYING. I just, you know, got the money to put behind it.'

Jason paused, then got up, looking deep in thought. 'Jin, don't you think...I dunno. Maybe we're going too far with this one? I mean, we've done a lot of crap, but as your appointed straightman, I gotta say - a mill on a mech on the company dollar? It doesn't sound very cool.'

'What?' Royale let an incredulous look pass over his face for a split second. 'C'mon, man, this's a typical wild and wacky Jin Royale plan. Don't you know one when you see one? You were IN half of 'em.'

'I'm just getting the feeling you're overcompensating on this one. Normally you woulda stopped at the dumbfire missile.'

Jin paused and looked down at the missile. The little tiger mouth offered no real assistance or reply. 'I...c'mon, man, I gotta have one more to go out on before I hit 30, so this's the big one, alright? Everyone's gotta have a big one.'

'You ain't dyin' in two year-'

'But-' Jin nearly dropped the missile entirely, biting back some sort of hidden sentiment. Unable to fully get it out, he just sighed and stared at the ground.

Jason let the silence stew for a moment, then shrugged. 'Alright. I won't say a word. Absolutely no resistance! Besides, mechs are cool.'

'...Yeah. Mechs are cool.'

-----

Big Apple, 3 AM

Somewhere, a rental car, originally heading for an agent's meeting with investors interested in Royale Inc, skidded to a stop. The driver flipped closed her cellphone, gritted her teeth, and drove the car in an immediate U-Turn, heading for Houston, Texas.

It was fueled by rage.