You know, this always happens.

I lose a match - it's rare enough but it happens. It used to
be that I'd be really cheesed off, you know? AGGGH I CAN'T
BELIEVE I LOST A WRESTLING MATCH, etc, stuff like that,
incredible depression, slump, someone talks me out of it.

Then I figured out that...well. All of that right there?
That is the most cliched thing ever that could happen to
anybody. I might as well let you guys know that I'm doin' a
house show or something.

Nah, losing happens. It's kinda like...it's kinda like when
you're in a rush to leave your house for work, or to get to
a big date, and you remember halfway there that you're not
wearing any pants. You know what I mean? It sucks, but you
don't bother turning BACK. I mean, you're halfway there!
It's easier just to improvise.

'How to improvise pants' is the topic for another promo,
though.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if all of you fans
were wondering where I've been for the past few months or
so, I wasn't sulking because I lost.

I was...a little busy.

-----

Jin kneeled down and cleared the stone of leaves.

RIP
Jason Stone
1981-2009
God, We Miss You

He stared at it for a little bit, as if the stone tablet
somehow actually contained Jason Stone in it, before he
rubbed his eyes and sighed to himself.

'...Dude, this is like, the most saddest thing in the
world.'

Jin looked over at Jason, who kneeled next to him with a
wide grin. 'I mean, you know that, right?'

'What? What's so sad about it?'

Jin gestured at the granite tombstone - it was more or less
the primary sign of a gigantic mausoleum that was shaped
entirely like a maple leaf. 'C'mon, man. We're out here
buying TOMBSTONES. Are we that bored? I know we're not this
old.'

Jason scratched the side of his head. '...It's a sale. 80%
off is 80% off, and the lot's pretty cheap.'

'For the going price of mausoleums?'

'Sorry, man. When it comes to being cheap, we're exactly
that amount of old.'

'Beat.' Jin took a bite out of a chocolate bar.

-----

'So you and Kass broke it off, huh?'

'Yeah.'

Together the pair walked through a busy Houston street; it
was not unlike any other street in any other town, in truth,
big city or small hamlet to Jin. For most people, they could
easily be overwhelmed by the space, the sheer life, packed
inside two lanes of asphalt and everything that zoomed or
crawled across it. To Jin Royale, that was life.

'It's your own fault, you know.'

Jin whirled in place. 'What? Dude, seriously, everyone's
turning around blaming this on *me* and I expected one
person out of everyone to-'

'If you just kept it OUT of there, you know-'

'Think about how you want to finish that sentence.'

'...If you just kept it out of there...then the sharp end
wouldn't hurt.'

'You can't scratch the inside of your ear with a finger. My
fingernails aren't that sharp, and if it's itching, well,
goddamn, I'ma scratch it, man.'

'With your sunglasses? Dude, you'll never eBay those that
way.'

Jin shrugged.

-----

'So where is Kass, anyway?' Jason asked as both of High
Impact sat in a Honda Civic, eating two rather stripped-down
hamburgers in the parking lot of a Wendy's.

'She got another job.'

'Another job?'

'Yeah.' Jin wiped his mouth. 'It's weird. I almost never see
her now save for like a day out of the week, but she still
gets all of my stuff done. I guess I can't complain, what
with me fucking up.'

'I still can't believe you cheated, man.'

'Look, I made one mistake, alright?'

Jason shook his head. 'If a woman asks you what her favorite
kind of beer is, it's always a trap, but that doesn't mean
you go and ask a bartender right in FRONT OF HER.'

'What do you know about women, Jason?'

Jason threw a French fry at him.

-----

'So I'm thinking of running for President.'

Jin looked at Jason, blinking and looking away, finally,
from the Street Fighter 2 cabinet's screen. 'President.'

'Well, yeah.'

'Jason, you're not even American.'

'YOU KEEP SAYING THAT. EVERYBODY DOES. North American
counts.'

'Who would elect you?'

'All of the good guys. We know people. I'm pretty sure Kylo
would vote for me.'

'I don't think Kylo can vote you up the ladder to President
of NLW, man. You know Alexis Mailloux couldn't be President
of NLW because he wasn't American. It's racism at its
finest, but that's how the stockholders go-'

'...Is Canadian a race?'

'Yes.'

-----

Jin laced his boots up in his usual unorthodox manner (bunny
ears, go around, tie the bow and here we are) before
standing up and stretching. He then looked around carefully,
nearly secretively in his room. Even though it was his own
room, and he was in as private a place as one could get, he
still felt...watched.

He still felt guilty.

...It was going to be his first match in a while - he was
going to need an advantage. Some would say an unfair
advantage, but nonetheless, it was one he was willing to
take. Sure, he could be facing anybody. But goddamn it, he
wasn't going to lose. Not now! Not this way!

He popped the pills into his mouth before he could change
his mind - the crunch was slightly acidic, a little harder
than he expected. Was it desperation?

Maybe. Maybe. He'd promised himself he'd never do this
again...

He looked down at the bottle of pills.

'Jesus...' he almost sobbed to himself, staring at the
Flintstones logo. 'The purple ones still aren't even grape.'

-----

So yeah. I was busy.

...You know, I keep asking myself...why do I keep coming
back? Why do I leave in the first place?

Why not just stay?

Maybe I will. Maybe...

Maybe this is what I was born to do. I'm not a quitter. I
still haven't won the NLW Championship. And I sure as hell
know if I can win one more match, I can win another one. And
maybe another one.

So I guess I'm back. Mr. Showtime is back! Because I *am*
the SHOW! And the Show MUST...

...

...

...nah, I'm just fuckin' with you. But you know what? ...I
think I really AM going to run for President.

(Fade to black.)